Friday, March 31, 2006

well, shit.

I just wrote the best post ever. Fucking blogger. I'll try to recreate the genius soon, peeps.

Monday, March 27, 2006

oh lordy

I've been obsessively checking The Village Voice today for the updated Savage Love. Sadly, it's Monday, not Tuesday. I arrange my week around Savage Love (Tuesday afternoon) and Dear Prudence on Slate. com (Thursday mornings). They neatly slice up my little week into digestible bits. I like that I have something to look forward to every other day of my week, even if it's small and pretty silly.

I think I especially need those little markers because my weekend was, well, complicated. I had visitors - Mr. F's parents from South Dakota (of the newly infamous misogynistic laws - but don't worry, they're crazy liberal. Yay). They're nice people, but I have complicated feelings about them, especially towards Mr. F.'s mother. She's a nice lady in theory but something gets tangled in the practice. I could go into that with a lot of depth and fervor (which I'm sure would make great reading) but I just can't dissect Mr. F.'s folks in public. They're individuals. That's all that needs to be said.

I am knitting the lovely namaste from Knitty . com. It's knitting up beautifully. Mine is all purple cheap shit yarn. It kind of feels like I'm knitting with garbage bags. Eh, it's a fun knit and it's zipping along. It's a belated birthday present for my friend Liz. Lovely girl, lovely knitter, lovely yoga aficionado. I don't think she knows how to do cables yet so I'm sure this'll wow her completely. Chrimmeny I love that. It's so simple but I come off it so pro. Lovely.

Friday, March 24, 2006

my infinite grace and goodwill

Imagine, if you would, your upper thigh, preferably the widest part. Supermodels, think about a tree trunk. Now imagine your thigh/tree trunk wrapped around my left ankle. Add a lot of black and a little blue. E voila! You have my lovely sprained ankle!

As I was running for the bus on Wednesday, my already weak as shit ankle turned. After having my ankles spontaneously turn on me for 26 years at this point, I'm usually pretty quick to correct my balance. Frenzied running kind of made that impossible. Now, I'm a klutzy girl. I fall all the time (did I ever tell you about the semester in college when I had that inner ear imbalance? Bloody times, my friends. Buckets of blood and many pairs of ripped pants). Usually I just roll with it - the roll is very important in falling - brush myself off and jump back up red-faced. This time though I landed square in the middle of the street and for a brief, horrifying moment I wasn't sure if I could get up. I knew the fall had to have looked bad when people started getting out of their cars to see if I was okay. Um, embarrassing. I hobbled onto the bus where I got a good stare by everyone who could see out of the front of the bus. Thank god the driver waited for my sore ass. If he had pulled away from the bus I would have thrown myself in front of it. I mean really, what more did I have to injure?

The unexpected bonus of having a super sprained as shit ankle is the kid glove treatment of Mr. F (who already is weirdly nice to me. It's so strange being with someone who isn't, you know, a complete psycho asshole) AND I get to wear my ghetto sneakers to work!!! I can't tell you how the inner bum in me rejoiced when I realized that. Of course I didn't jump up and down or anything (oh we'll be having none of that, thank you very much) but oh, my heart was full of glee.

That said, I'm already bored with my injury. I'm done with it. Unfortunately it's not done with me. Bastard ankle.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Friday, March 17, 2006

I love it!!

Take the quiz:
What Musical Are You?

Once More With Feeling
You're Once More With Feeling! This isn't a real musical... It's the musical episode of BtVS. So, feel lucky to be one of the best shows ever! You're moody, and indifferent at times, but you're learning to be more of a people person.

Quizzes by -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

Friday, March 03, 2006

burn out

Occasionally, I get a raging case of job burn out. Today is such a day. Sometimes when my boss sees something he doesn't want to see from my research and raises a fuss, I just want to stomp my foot and slam the door behind me. Is that so wrong? I don't think so either.

I think I'm just not a financial researcher at heart. My job is a good job, great benefits, intelligent work, room to move and learn. All very good and well. And I know a lot of people would be delighted to die in this job. I am just not one of them. You know what I think gets me? I know I'm grossly underqualified for this job but I get to keep it because I put up a good front. I had no idea how important fronting was in the workplace, really, until I got here. Hi, I was a literature major. Hi, I don't like basic math. What the hell am I doing reading cash flow statements? When did my life begin revolving around balance sheets?

All I can say is that I hope for a few things:
1) I make it out of here unscathed
2) I make it out of here before they see through the front
3) I don't get fired and have to declare bankruptcy (that would blow)

This is not me (but it sort of is).

Thursday, March 02, 2006

little golden books that never made it

a recent gift to me from my former 9th grade science teacher...

Little Golden Books that Never Made It

1. You Are Different and That's Bad

2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

3. Dad's New Wife Robert

4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book

6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking

7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats Go to Hell

10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

11. Some Kittens Can Fly

12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption

13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

17. Strangers Have the Best Candy

18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

19. You Were an Accident

20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games

22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan

23. Your Nightmares Are Real

24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?

25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School

26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

a great many things

So so so many things. So little time to blog.

1) I've taken up bellydancing and frankly, I love it to an insane degree. I've just finished my first eight week session and have signed up for the next eight week session! My very adorable teacher
Kristina calls my friends and me "The Peanut Gallery" because we're so squirrelly. Example of said squirreliness? My friend Jess and I pretended to bellydance as if we were cojoined twins. Kristina just rolled her eyes, laughed, and walked away. She's a very patient person. A picture of the lovely hip scarf I bought is on the left!

2) Mr. F and I just had the most fabulous vacation ever in glorious Duluth (MN pronunciation: Doooo-lute). I was a little iffy about the cabin I rented for us. I thought,
this place looks like it could be shoddy. And I really didn't want shoddy. Mr. F and I haven't gotten to spend a lot of time together because of his crazy schedule (school and work) and I can't go over there with my dog CW any more because he got some nasty hategram about "NO DOGS EVER" blah blah blah. So this weekend was really important to me.

Well, shiiiit, that place rocked. It was cheap as the day is long but so well-kept. So clean. And really, what more can one ask for? Our little one bedroom cabin had a full kitchen and a fireplace. The kitchen came in handy because we really didn't leave the cabin AT ALL. Yum. I guess Mr. F missed me too.

Here are some pics from the cabin's website - this is pretty true to form. But because it was February when we went, just add way way way way more snow.

It's so beautiful up there. God, that was the nicest vacation I've ever hand, hands down. No drama, no stress, nada. Just sex, food, sex, food, long walk, sex and passing out from exhaustion. The best.

3) The worst, however, is what's happening with my dog Chilly Willy. I never understood why everyone hated on her. I'd be all, "You just hate little dogs. She's my baby. Why do you hate my baby, hater?" And they'd be all, "Your dog scares the shit out of me. Ow! Ow! She's biting me! AHHHH!"

And I'd think, "Well, she wouldn't bite if you didn't provoke her. Stop moving/talking/breathing/looking at things so much. She doesn't like it."

Well, but I knew when I took CW in as a foster dog three years ago we would someday have to part. I want babies and I have zero doubt she'd kill any competition (babies included). That is not an exaggeration. I know she would gladly maim or kill a child. She's just that way.

So I started talking to a small dog rescue group in town and explained my situation with her. I told them the ideal person to take CW in would have the following traits/habits:

They'd either live alone or with one partner
They'd either work from home or have an abbreviated schedule
They'd keep a totally consistent schedule
They wouldn't travel
They wouldn't have people over
No children, no grandchildren ever
They'd be familiar with chihuahuas
They'd be familiar with aggressive dogs
They'd be willing to live with a very aggressive dog

Um, what? So basically a monk, a really gentle monk that didn't have his brothers around very much and had a lot of time to give to CW. As I went through the process of this I realized that I'm just not going to find that for her. And I seriously doubt I'd find anyone who would be as patient and nice to her as I am. Period.

So next Friday evening at 5:40 pm CW is going to go to the Great Farm in the Sky. I don't say that to be flip. I have this image of her cuddling on God's lap, which is trite and cheesy but it really helps. I'm going to miss her so much. The last three years have been hard - dealing with radiation and all my Grave's disease stuff, getting out of a bad four year relationship and subsequently dating a long line of psycho assholes, money problems, deciding against grad school. Granted all of these thing have ultimately been for the better but none of them were a treat to go through. She was the one constant, the dependable tail waggler, my little lap warmer. She always looks at me with pure adoration and I'm going to miss her little face so much. It's hard, but I know this is right. My vet said it best when I talked this over with her: CW is physically healthy but mentally ill. She bites everyone, including my dad and Mr. F (aka her pack). And dogs are hard-wired to not bite or fight with those in their pack. She's just off and is a dangerous dog. It's not a matter of if she maims/hurts/kills someone, it's a matter of when. That's a hard realization to come to about your baby. I'm so sad about it, I'm going to grieve, but I know it's right. My poor baby. We love each other so much. I'm going to really miss her.