Thursday, December 29, 2005
But in this pretty color:
Frankly, I feel super hottt in this baby. It has a drape-y, Hollywood starlet back and the little sparkly things on the straps somewhat resemble snowflakes, which I love. I'm wearing the amazingly lovely ring and bracelet Mr. F. gave me for Christmas. I seriously cannot wait. I'm going with all my lovely dyke friends and it's going to be the best big gay prom/gala thing ever. Of this, I have no doubt.
So, while I don't have a New Year's resolution yet, I do have a 12/29 resolution. I am seriously going to try to go to the gym every day until the 7th. Clearly, I like my goals to be manageable. I feel so silly writing that - am I so brainwashed by the patriarchy that I can't just feel super hot in my pretty periwinkle dress? Must I go to the gym? Good work, patriarchy, nice job. Color me brainwashed.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
I have no idea why that image keeps popping into my head.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Of course, I had three of the scrumptious death treats. There were about ten different kinds to choose from, so I figure I still have a fighting chance in avoiding a trip to the ER. I'm all jittery - I just itched my hand, christ, does that mean I'm on death's doorstep? I'm kind of thirsty, should I alert my coworkers? I joke but I am rather on edge. From now on, I'll only imbibe prepackaged, fake, trans-fatty goodness here at work. None of this pastry chef bullshit from now on. Yikes.
My mother's diamond lace shawl moves slowly, a little too slowly. I'm going to whip up some fuzzyfeet for her for Christmas; she'll get the stole after the holidays. My sister's handbag is done - it's lovely and the KnitPicks yarn felted beautifully indeed. My own design! Bitch better like it or we'll have words. I have a hat sitting in front of me for Mr. Fabulous' fabulous roommate, Miss May. I have nothing to do today at work so I have a potential of 7.5 knitting hours before me. What do I choose to do? Freak about potentially poisoned cookies and read the archives of I Blame the Patriarchy (a lovely read, I must say).
I just itched my elbow. Imminent death or dry wintry skin???
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Infidels shall pay by the mighty hand of Allah! Saddam not returning to dishonorable courtroom! OK seriously, happy holidays and thanks to CIA for totally botching kangaroo trial. So funny! Saddam is way humored! By the way, Osama is living like a king just off Jersey turnpike on Karl Rove's dime. I have proof! By the way, I was brutal heartless dictator and even I ran my country better than U.S. Ha! "Nation-building" my big fuzzy butt! By the way, I know where WMD is located! Inside scary capri pants of Ann Coulter! Ha! OK, back to laughing in face of infidel judge. Peace out.-- Saddam
Yo my peoples. I been shot nine times. Please buy my horrible video game. Most overrated rapper of the year! But yo, I look mean and badass, yo! Can't dance like Usher can't sing like Kanye can't rhyme like Em, but yo I sure can gangsta bling cool! I been shot nine times. Check out my new line of custom-embroidered linens at Pottery Barn, in the Northgate Mall. I'll be there 'tween 3 and 4 signin' pomegranate-scented candles and Berettas, yo. Merry Xmas. Peace out. I been shot nine times.-- 50 Cent
It's funny because it's true.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
That said, I do like the food and drink and decorations. It is so wrong to silently drink the free wine and eat some shrimp in the corner table by myself? If anything, it'll just serve to bolster my rep here. And that's clearly something that needs bolstering.
1. My hair is like Drew Barrymore a la Firestarter
2. I zap (Zap! Not shock. Zap!) everyone I deign to touch.
3. My clothes look like I have a full velcro bodysuit underneath and I've been in some unfortunate positions, hence, the clothing weirdness/cling.
4. My lineage is from a proud family of static-prone peoples.
All hail the Queen! Long live the Queen!
Her High Royal Highness Elizabeth of Staticland